Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
