Cold hands, warm shart.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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