Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
