elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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