I think I won the penis lottery.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
