I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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