Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
