hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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