she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
