if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I supernannyed him into submission
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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