remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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