Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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