and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
