i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
