I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
