"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
