the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
