Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
