The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
