i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
