just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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