are you so shy because you have an std?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I deserve this hangover.
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