Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
