Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We are all done wearing pants today
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
