8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
