My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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