So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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