I showed him my bush... on skype.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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