All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
