Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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