Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
