I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
