Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
