I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
