yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
