Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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