were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
