grandma shit on top of the toilet
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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