I feel like abortions should bother me more
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
