Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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