VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
