But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
