sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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