all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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