i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
