Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
