belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
