I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
