His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
