I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
